Are you a cynical libertarian?
This quiz will help you determine where you fall in the political spectrum.
For the ten questions below mark the answer you think is most correct.
When done add up your score according to the answer key and find out where you stand.
1. Abortion. Gotta love it. Might as well get it out of the way.
a. Abortion is a woman’s right. The government should not tell a woman what to do with her body.
b. A complicated subject which require much more thought and does not present clear issue of black and white.
c. Abortion is the murder of an innocent human being.
d. Abortion is the wrong question. Before we decide if abortion is murder or not, we have to decide exactly what constitutes a “human being”.
a. An important part of the political & social heritage of the United States.
b. A set of religions beliefs which should be respected & understood for its positive contributions while acknowledging its flaws.
c. A set of beliefs held by a group of people who are so stupid that an imaginary man in the sky had to write “Thou shalt not kill” on a rock in order for them to figure out killing people is generally a bad idea.
d. The oppressor of women and minorities in conjunction with white men who have jobs.
3. Which of the following is a diverse group?
a. A CEO from Wal-Mart, a CEO from Ford, a CEO from Sears and a VP from Starbucks.
b. A Nazi, a socialist, a Republican and a Democrat.
c. A black man, a Hispanic woman, a Pacific Islander woman and a trans-sexual.
d. There is no diversity, everyone other than myself is equally stupid.
4. George W Bush won the election with the most electoral votes, thus becoming King George II. The media suddenly discovered the electoral college and went crazy. Your take on the whole situation is that:
a. If you had read the Constitution you would have known about this, and if you haven’t read the Constitution why should you be allowed to vote?
b. The electoral college is an outdated system which is the byproduct of dead white men and should be eliminated.
c. The electoral college could use some revisions.
d. The electoral college? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
5. The Second Amendment.
a. Men have a duty to over throw a tyranny.
b. Has been rendered irrelevant by time, just like the Ninth and Tenth Amendments.
c. Declares that private citizens should possess the weapons necessary to kill federal agents wearing body armour (hint: aim for the head/face).
d. All citizens are part of the militia which exist to defend the United States and have a responsibility to be armed to that end.
6. Homosexual Marriage.
a. Marriage rights should be extended equally to all people, so long as the marriage is only between two people and no more.
b. A boost to the economy when all those weddings are held. Three years later the divorce lawyers clean up.
c. Faggots are going to burn in hell.
d. Why should anyone, regardless of “orientation”, need permission from the government to get married? And why is marriage limited to two people?
7. Freedom of speech means:
a. People should be allowed to say anything they want, excepting things which start riots and cause mass public chaos (“fire” in a crowded theatre).
b. People should be allowed to say anything they want to say, so long as I approve of it.
c. People should be allowed to say anything they want to say, so long as the state has approved of it.
d. As long as dumb people keep talking, I will always have entertainment.
8. The purpose of the Department of Defence and military forces of the United States is:
a. To provide relief during natural disasters and assist in the War on Drugs.
b. To serve as a place for social engineering and assist in the War on Drugs.
c. To defend the interest of the United States around the world.
d. To totally destroy any country that attacks the United States, and nothing else.
9. National Parks:
a. Should be off limits for all development and access should be limited and controlled.
b. Are a valuable natural resource and should be carefully managed.
c. Can turn a profit and protect the environment.
d. Are unconstitutional and should be turned over to the states. The federal government isn’t authorised to own land for parks.
10. Which level of government should be the most powerful?
a. The Great One, Himself
Scoring: Check you answers and add up your points.
1. a – 1 b – 3 c – 2 d – 4
2. a – 2 b – 3 c – 4 d – 1
3. a – 2 b – 3 c – 1 d – 4
4. a – 4 b – 1 c – 3 d – 2
5. a – 3 b – 1 c – 4 d – 2
6. a – 1 b – 4 c – 2 d – 3
7. a – 3 b – 2 c – 1 d – 4
8. a – 2 b – 1 c – 3 d – 4
9. a – 1 b – 3 c – 2 d – 4
10. a – 4 b – 3 c – 1 d – 2
Interpreting your score:
10 to 16 points: You are a liberal Democrat. The lowest form of political life. You think that morality and law come from the government. You believe the government should control economic activity and that people are too stupid to think for themselves. Your primary motivation in life is “fairness”, so long as you don’t have to give up anything and can have your way all the time.
17 to 26 points: You are a conservative Republican. Not much better than a liberal. You think that morality and law comes from an imaginary man in the sky. Morality should be forced upon people because people don’t know what is good for them and are too stupid to think for themselves. Your primary motivation in life is to do “the right thing”, so long as you get to decide what the right thing is.
27 to 35 points: You are a libertarian. You believe in freedom for all, both in personal life and economic activity. Morality and law emerge from the free exchange of ideas. You are convinced that people are smart enough to make their own choices in life regarding right and wrong. Your primary motivation in life is freedom. You understand the difference between freedom and equality, and they are not the same thing.
36 to 40 points: You are a cynical libertarian. You live on the edge of sanity. Exposing yourself to the media in near any form drives you insane. Morality and law are illusionary shadows at best. While we can pretend they exist and create a sustainable society — morality and law are fluid and malleable. You would like to believe that people are smart enough to make their own decisions about right and wrong, about what is best for them, but in the course of actually interacting with people you have realised this simply isn’t so. People are stupid. They still deserve freedom, but they are stupid. Those same people think you are an asshole, and they are right. You are an asshole but you are still right, have always been right, will always be right and will never, ever, be wrong.